This life is not against flesh and blood, and that's really important to note.
Though it's true that I do not believe patriarchy is God's plan for humanity (I believe redemption is God's sole plan for humanity), it is also true that patriarchy at it's core is not the enemy. I've had to arrive at this mindset that believes this. Over the years I've been angry at God, frustrated with Paul, and hateful toward men because of the oppression, abuse, marginalization, and hierarchical mindsets that have been thrown my way and the ways of others.
Men do a lot of wrong, but so do women. People mess up, but there are always reasons, influences, and stories behind why this is so.
And grace. There's always grace.
While discussing gender-related issues it's important to not make another person or group of people the enemy. This helps me, and maybe you too, to first, have grace when someone makes an off-hand remark about my place, my gender, my sexuality, or any other aspect about me. This also helps me to pinpoint my motivation behind my words and actions. Why am I a feminist? Is it because men are out to get me and I want to destroy the nuclear family? No, no certainly not. I am a feminist because I can't afford not to be. I am a feminist because I am able to give a voice to the voiceless. I am a feminist because it is necessary.
Because women are abused, marginalized, undermined, hurt, oppressed, and much else.
Because in various social hierarchies in multitudes of contexts men are crushing women and children.
Because I believe in the literary Jesus of the Bible and all that He stands for, and I believe that He has set up a table of grace in which we are all on equal footing.
Feminism is necessary not because men are inherently evil but because social and cultural influences are abused and over-enforced. Gender stereotypes and cultural elements become confinements, and people begin to push teachings that are harmful and oppressive thus beginning (or continuing) never-ending cycles of shackles, chains, and marginalization.
So I advocate for women. On another foot, I stand strong for men. I stand strong for people, because we are all more than worth it. We are all meant for grand, marvelous, love happenings, and I'm weary of teachings that say otherwise. I'm through with labels and harmful expectations, finished with mindsets of shame and dehumanization. I'm ready to be a ground-breaker, ready to speak life into the faces of those who need to hear it.
Our society says a lot that demeans women, but it also says a lot that dehumanizes men. Today I want to shift my focus away from women's rights and freedom for females and speak to the guys, because there's a message that many of you are itching to hear: you are free.
There's freedom for you in Christ, freedom to be creatures of love because that's the potential that you contain deep down inside.
Freedom from labels, names, and harmful definitions that are often thrown in your face.
As Micah J. Murray argues in this post, you're not a sex-fueled robot.
Like Emily Maynard presents in this post, you're not incomplete if you aren't in a relationship.
You're a whole person all on your own.
No matter what many may tell you, you cannot be reduced down to a checklist of what it looks like to be a "biblical man".
And you aren't condemned if you enjoy ballet or cooking or any other activity labeled as "feminine".
You are a human being, and no legalistic label or checklist can purely define your complex self.
Your identity is yours and yours alone, as is your body, your sexuality, your preferences, your callings, your rights, worth responsibilities and everything else that makes you unique and beautiful and absolutely amazing.
And in the context of the Church, Jesus says to come as you are.
He only calls you one name: child.
He's invited you to be a Child of Light, a person that seeks justice, loves mercy, and walks humbly. He's saved a spot for you at the table, pulled out your chair, and extended your way a piece of broken bread.
Come, drink the wine. Taste this sweet Jesus love.
Sing these freedom songs loud with us, because the music makes this campfire what it is.
And it is glorious.
In this space, the Holy Spirit enables us to bear lives of fruit, lives of self-control and respect for one another and love and joy and peace and patience. In this space, we don't sell or exploit women or men. In this place we don't place ideology over loving people. Around this campfire we don't define each other by anatomy, because we know that there is much more to each of us.
People are sexual beings, of course. Men and women alike have sexual urges. Your sexual urges, however, do not in any way define who you are as a person, and nor you or I or anyone else should believe that sexual desires control you. You're not "wired" to be run by sexual urges, and on the other hand women are not "wired" to be run by emotional hormones as many people believe, as many books on biblical manhood or biblical womanhood teach.
We aren't robots, we aren't "wired" so that we are unable to resist temptations or urges or desires or hormones (which men have too, by the way). We're not "wired" to fit molds. We're far too complex and diverse from one another for this to be true.
We are people, and we are made of flesh and breath and stories and cells.
In this place, we don't define our worth by how many bible verses we've memorized or by how many people we're discipling. Around this table, we aren't concerned with how courageous a man is or how gentle-spirited a woman is.
One of my least favorite phrases is "man up". First, this defines masculinity in legalistic ways. Second, this phrase implies that to be a woman is to be weak, or it at least implies that to be a woman is to be inferior or negative. I don't say "man up", because strength is not defined by sex or gender.
When the world tells you to "be a man", I furrow my brow in confusion. Why do we define masculinity in such ways? Why are men expected to be tough and strong, hard and almost calloused? Why aren't men simply encouraged to be virtuous?
Kind?
Loving?
Humble?
And yes, brave, but shouldn't women be encouraged to embody these characteristics too?
Aren't we all striving to be like Christ? Aren't we all meant to be people of the kingdom, people of valor, people of strength and courage and bravery and love?
Aren't we all called to embrace such Jesus characteristics?
Around this campfire, we are People of God. We are Children of the King, and we know that we are made for resurrection lives. We strive to love and love well, and we aim to be faithful with this Gospel-love. We care about embracing those who feel marginalized, about breaking chains of oppression, about providing for the poor and widowed. We reach out to adopt orphans and we seek to draw in the lost, the ones who are hurting and broken and burned by religion or this hard thing called life.
Which is probably all of us at one point or another.
Around here we seek to restore, because that's the pathway that Jesus has paved for us. That's what the kingdom is, and it is both here and to come.
Our world is a difficult place in which to dwell, but it's a whole lot better, becomes a whole lot easier (or a little bit at least) when we begin to see each other through the lens of the Jesus within the pages of the Gospels. When we set aside legalistic mindsets, when we cease forcing men into one mold and women into another and settle into the peace that equality brings, we begin to humanize each other in a way that can only be heavensent.
So let's nestle in around this campfire. I do love it so, sitting here with you just feels right. Hand me that empty cuppa coffee, love, and I'll fill it right up. There are a few more conversations to be had, more freedom songs that we need to sing in the coming posts.
The following links are the first five posts in this series, Talks Around the Campfire.
Part One: Feminism, Kingdom Equality, and the Jesus Movement
Part Two: Reclaiming Identities, Humanizing People, and More Feminism
Part Three: Identity, Cherry-Picking, and Proverbs 31
Part Four: Gender Stereotypes and Cultural Confinements
Part Five: Gender Stereotypes Within the Church
